I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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