Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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