i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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