I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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