There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
