Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
