I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize