That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
