he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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