so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
