Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
