I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my liver is dry heaving
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
