Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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