we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
