Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
