I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
