After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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