i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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