Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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