ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
