Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
