i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
