I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
