im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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