I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize