Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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