dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
