this beer tastes like vomit already
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
