So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
