I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
