It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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