4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
