I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
