Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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