Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
