Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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