I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
