I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
