Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
