Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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