She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
3 2 1 whiskey
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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