I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
