how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
