Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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