Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
