Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
