Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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