so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He called his prostate his "boner button".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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