Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
