I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
