I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
