i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
