Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
