if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
