apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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