please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
