dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
