yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
