Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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