You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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