I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize