So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
