How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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