Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
