I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
