Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
