There is no way he is gay with that hair.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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