I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This girl is more easily done than said...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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