So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
