You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
