your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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