I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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