why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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