How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
