i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
