He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
