umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize