i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
