If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
