Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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