btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He passed out mid-signature
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize