i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
