i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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