you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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