Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
