I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
