Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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